I am super sad that this week is ending. For many reasons.
It was Kevin's first full week on Summer break. Yup. That means I got to spend all day, every day with him. We took advantage and decide to have Family Fun Week (more to come in future posts) and did lots of fun mini vacations. Tomorrow is the first day of the first tournament for his summer gig, so I will be back to playing the single mom role once again. Sigh. It was a great week though!
The big reason though is that this weekend marks 12 weeks since our life was changed, and little man was born! It doesn't seem like it's been that long, but alas, it has been. Which means Monday morning my desk chair will no longer be empty. :-( My routine that I've established over the past 12 weeks will no longer be. My day will no longer depend on nap time, or feeding time, but meeting times. I will spend 8+ hours a day away from my baby. That's more than double the amount of time I've been away in the past 12 weeks combined. In one day. My 4pm anticipation will no longer be for Kevin to come home to US, but for me to come home to THEM.
My heart breaks at the thought of not being with him all day. At the thought of what I will be missing out on. At the sound of every cry while he tries to take a bottle.
My desire my entire life was to be able to stay at home with my kids and raise them. Babies need their mommas, and mommas need their babies. We are doing everything possible to make that dream a reality, and I have total faith that it WILL be a reality, I just don't know if it will be in a week, a month, or a year.
At least I know that Logan will be home with Kevin since he's off for the summer (actual, as of now for the Fall too...) and when he's busy, both grandmothers are itching to get some time with the baby, so at least he'll be well taken care of by family.
Still it doesn't ease the pain that come Monday my daily life will look totally different than it did this past Monday.