6 weeks later and countless nights in the hospital and so many more sleepless nights, I am beyond tired. Not just physically tired but emotionally and mentally as well. It's draining watching your baby fight for his life and then continue to struggle and go through test after test and have risky procedures and there is nothing you can do. No time to really stop and think, just relying on the doctors. It helps to know that we are in the best hands with the best doctors and nurses in the best children's hospital in the nation. But it doesn't make it any easier.
I just want (need!) some rest.
Yes, it would be nice to get a solid 8 hours of sleep, but I know with a newborn that doesn't happen and I was prepared for that. I want rest from everything else. I want to go. Somewhere. Anywhere. Away from here, away from worries, away from everyday life. I just want a break a chance to breath and relax.
If it wasn't for Gods strength to carry me through and the prayers of others I would have broken down a long, long time ago. Every time I feel that I can't go on, can't do it any more, I get an extra boost. It might be from a text or phone call, or news from a doctor or just something from deep in me from the Holy Spirit.
Guys, prayer is real! Not that I didn't know that before, or believe it, but its different when you actually physically FEEL it. I can't explain it, I just hope that all of you get to experience it some day. I don't wish anything bad on you, but its awesome to be able to feel the love of others and God.
I want to thank y'all for helping to carry us through this time and for your continued prayers as its not over yet. I look forward to the day it is though! And an super thankful that we will hit a time when this is in our past. So many families we meet don't get to be that lucky.
This post went completely a different way than I had originally thought. I wanted to talk about missed milestones, and not having a 1 or 2 month photo shoot from being in the hospital. At least I have a good excuse for not having as many baby photos for Noah. :-)
Speaking of photos...
